so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
