Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
