all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
