Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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