dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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