I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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