just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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