Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
