I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just high enough for therapy.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
