If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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