i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
