Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
