By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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