as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
