I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
