I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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