if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
