i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
