need another drink. this is the easiest way
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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