PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
