so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
