They should really pass out barf bags in church
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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