mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
