Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
