u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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