I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
