he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
