I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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