Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
