**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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