I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
