Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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