Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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