Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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