So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
