This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
