dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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