i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
