I'm gonna have a badass scar
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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