First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
