booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
