Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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