I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
