im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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