he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
