He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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