I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
