You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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