Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
