In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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