He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
