If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
