while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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