Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
