I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
